Reflecting
on Personal Leadership
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With the idea that we are all teachers, if only by
virtue of the modeling that we do through our behaviours, it can be said that
I’ve been teaching leadership since I was a youngster. As the oldest of six children I had more
than ample opportunity to experientially explore the privileges, rights,
responsibilities and hazards of leadership.
Certainly leadership in the context of my siblings had its attractions. Power and prestige were fun! The responsibilities of leadership were
not so attractive. “Take care of your
little brother!” usually translated into loss of autonomy, and I sure liked
my autonomy. I often sincerely wished
that my younger siblings would learn to take care of themselves, as, somehow,
I had done. I now know that I didn’t
invent my self-care skills on my own.
I was actively mentored by my parents and by others who saw my
potential. I was raised as a secular
humanist and as a leader, after the manner of my father. As with other sorts of life lessons, lessons in
leadership keep coming my way in various guises until I learn them. At the age of ten I idly speculated in a
friend’s presence that I would pick him to be my seconder (corporal) in a cub
pack six (squad) once I was promoted to sixer (sergeant). With no recollection of saying that, I
picked someone else when the time came.
My friend’s mom called my mom and said that my friend was sobbing his
heart out because I’d broken my promise and shattered his hopes. 35 years later I idly speculated with a
friend/fellow Life Skills coach/fellow employee about training Life Skills
coaches with her some day. A year
later I organized a training, and with no recollection of having had the
conversation with my friend, hired someone else to work with me. My colleague became my bitter enemy within
the organization and it was another year before I found out what was wrong. I made the connection between these
events, and as part of my ongoing process of building coherence into my life
and style resolved to pay much closer attention to my promises, whether
explicit or implied. From this small sample it seems that adults and
children harbour similar dreams, wishing to advance in experience in the
company of capable friends. As a
lifelong leader and capable friend I’ve organized countless ventures and
adventures, and I wonder now how many other friends I’ve carelessly left in
the dust of their aspirations because they took seriously that which I did
not (I just remembered another one).
Sometimes I think that I’ve ridden the pendulum to the other extreme,
and am now so conscientious about following through on commitments that I put
undue pressure on those who don’t take agreements as seriously as I do (or
perhaps who have a different understanding of what we’d agreed to!). I hope that I don’t get so attached to my
aspirations that I let my own disappointment and resentment poison what might
otherwise continue to be good relationships. My struggle now is to give space for understanding
and misunderstanding, to honour and value my friendships in spite of whatever
contractual disappointments I may feel or inspire. My leadership initiatives aren’t always what others wish to
undertake, and I mustn’t mistake their humouring me for enthusiasm and
agreement. Oh I hope I’ve learned that lesson! I’ve worked for nearly two decades as a Life
Skills coach and coach trainer, modeling and teaching personal and group
leadership skills. In the last few
years I’ve explicitly brought into my life and curriculum the concept of not
taking things personally, of receiving the things that people say and do as
information to be assessed, and as revelation about the other rather than
being about me. I teach this in the
knowledge that I’ve transgressed my own lesson and likely will do so
again. However good I get at the
skill, I will still from time to time not use it. I will allow my feelings to be hurt. The trick then becomes recovery, a different and equally
valuable skill. Regaining my balance
while in an emotional storm requires insight, perspective, humility. The wiser I get the easier it is to
recover. I’m not very wise yet, so
it’s still a big struggle sometimes to centre myself after taking something
personally. I’m working on it. I’ve been doing and teaching leadership since I was a youngster. I’ve studied leadership, I’ve written on leadership, I have a Masters degree in leadership, and inculcating leadership is likely to be the focus of my EdD dissertation. Yet I keep discovering such important aspects of leadership that it seems I’m really no sort of expert at all. It may be that leadership can’t be taught. Maybe it can only be revealed. Maybe leadership is inherent in all of us, waiting to be called upon, to be nurtured, to be examined and developed in the light of individual, unique experience. Maybe the best that I can do as an “inculcator” of leadership is to ask questions, and leave the answers to the leaders with whom I’m working. I’m working on it. Return to Table of
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